After All
by AmberXAutopsy
Summary: Everyone has a past...and Hermione is no exception.


**A\N: Written at 2 o'clock at night so I'm sorry if it jumps around alot. One of the many draw backs of too many Harry Potter movies and an over active imagination. Lol. Plan on editing it again later but wanted to get it up just to see if it's worth the trouble.**

**This story will be very full of angst, so, if you're not a fan I am truly sorry. Also, it really doesn't follow the original storylines. Some parts do, some I just molded the brilliant authors story into my own twisted reality. Lol. One of the best things about ff, right?**

**The last thing I wish to point out is, while this coupling may not be everyones taste but quite a few, including myself, find it interesting. So...please no hate. Don't like it? Don't read. :) it's really quite simple.**

**Anyway I'm rambling. If I haven't chased you away please read on and (hopefully) enjoy. 3**

**xxxxxxx**

Hermione felt a pair of arms snake around her waist, her body stiffening out of reflex as an echoing shatter pierced the still air of the kitchen, her eyes turning down in time to see the plate she had been holding slip from her fingers and crash against the chilled tile floor under her bare feet.

"Oh, my god!" Stewart`s voice said, his voice filled with worry as he came around to her side, kneeling on the ground. "Are you alright, Hermione?!"

Alright?

That was a loaded question.

She forced a smile in reply, warming and reassuring to mask the pain.

So many people had asked Hermione that over the years. Stepping close and putting a hand a 'comforting' arm around her shoulders before proceeding to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

Had she ever been 'okay'?

They asked her that at the funeral.

And the next one...and the one after that.

They asked her that at her wedding and at the birth of her son...and always, she gave them the same answer.

"Yes," Hermione said, looking down at the golden haired man at my feet. "I`m fine, darling."

Wordlessly she pulled her bleeding foot from his grasp and turned away, pulling another plate from the overhead shelf.

She knew he didn`t mean it the way all the others had. There was no pity in his eyes as the words fell from his lips into the space between them. There were no sideways glances or words whispered under breaths...that was one of the best things about Stewart.

He never knew...

She slide his breakfast onto the fresh plate clenched in her hand and placed it by his seat at the table, offering a small smile.

"Your foods ready." she heard herself say briskly, running her clammy palms over her stained apron before whirling around and hurrying to do some unneeded task.

"Hermione." she heard him say softly from behind but kept her back turned, mindlessly scrubbing the already clean counter top. "Hermione!" he said again, his voice more forceful this time. His large hand appeared against her shoulder, spinning her around to face him in one fluid movement.

For a moment he said nothing just stared down at her, his fair eyebrows pulling together, his lips set in a tight line until finally he sighed and dropped his hand. "I don`t get it."

His words made Hermione's heart sped up a bit as her honey colored eyes rolled nervously over him, watching as he took a step away to take a sit back in his chair.

"Don`t get what?" she found herself asking fully knowing she might very well come to regret it as her mind was sent a buzz with all the possibilities, of all the things that could go wrong.

"You." he said, waving one of his hands aimlessly at her before placing it back into the curve of his lap. "This isn`t how a wife should be."

"What?" Hermione asked, her eyebrows pulling together.

She knew what he was saying.

Knew what had caused the hurt in his sapphire eyes.

She just had to hear it from him.

"You were always distant. And I was okay with that, I made my peace. But then, as soon as Arious was born...it was like something switched off inside you. It`s was like...the only thing in the whole world was him."

"I`m his MOTHER!" Hermione snapped. She was getting upset now. Not really understanding what he was getting at.

'How dare he speak of my son as if he were a 'thing'.'

"I know he`s your son, Mione. He`s my son too."

His words made Hermione's mouth run dry and the nauseating ever present roll of her stomach start anew with an unsettling flop.

Stewart`s son...

"But still," he continued, looking over at her with pained eyes. "I didn`t pull away from you. If anything...I came closer." he reached out and gently stroked the side of her face.

In response she found herself nodding, looking down at her hands as they clenched at the edges of her apron as if the answers to her problems were stitched somewhere among the bunnies and flowers.

"Okay, Stewart...I`ll try." Hermione said, her eyes raising to meet his as his hand stretched to grasp hers. "I am sorry..."

His handsome face lit up into a smile.

"I know you didn`t mean to." He leaned forward and pecked her gently on the cheek before standing and pulling her into a tight embrace, pushing his lips flush with hers.

All Hermione could do was scowl as she felt his lips lightly touched her skin, her mind elsewhere as she search deep within herself for something...

...ANYTHING.

But she felt nothing.

"Mommy! Daddy!"

A sharp intake of breath pierced her throat as she detached herself from her husband, her gaze lowering to land on Arious as he stumbled in, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

But, it wasn`t her son that sent panic running coldly through her body, stopping her blood and speeding up her heart, it was what he had clenched in his small fist.

"Darling-"

"What is that, son?" Stewart asked as he stepped away from Hermione to take a step towards her son.

Out of sheer desperation she found herself reaching out to his wrist in her hands, pulling him back into her. He smiled in return, thinking it to be something playful, and gently pulled his hand away.

"Later." she heard

"Dragons? Really momma?!" Arious shouted as he bounced up onto the couch beside her, eyes glittering with a kind of excitement she had never seen before.

"Indeed!" She shouted in return, turning the wand towards her son without notice. "And it will zap you right into class if you don't get moving this minute and get on your bus."

For a moment her son fell into silence, his lips pursing as his eyes turned heavenward thoughtfully, turning back towards her only seconds later.

"I think I need to have that happen."

Her sons words lifted a laugh from her she lightly shoved him from the couch and guided him towards the front door, handing him his backpack. "Maybe one day, Ari."

Her smile faded as the school bus pulled away and her hand, outstretched in a wave, slowly lowered as she stepped back inside and shut the door. For a moment she let herself lean against it, feeling her heart grow heavy once more as she pushed off and made her way back upstairs and into bed.

For awhile she just laid where she fell and stared up at the carved ceiling with the wand held tightly against her chest until finally, letting out a low breath, set it aside and rolled over.

Humming softly to herself she reached and opened her night table and dipping her hand inside, withdrawing a small leather bound journal buried deep with.

Wordlessly she let her fingers skim across the thick leather, rising and falling with the golden letter indentations that sprawled lazily over the cover before snapping the lock, letting it fall open.

"September 21, 2007," she read aloud, a welcomed sense of nostalgia covering her as her eyes scanned the harsh quill strokes that covered the yellow page. "I miss him. I miss his voice. I miss his quick temper. I even miss him threatening bodily violence when Neville causes yet another explosion in class. I don't know when he's returning. Or if he even IS returning. I find myself worrying more and more as the days go by without an owl. I wish I had someone to talk to about this...Harry and Ron would never understand and Ginny, well...you know she can't keep a bloody secret. I miss the look I'd see in his eyes when our eyes catch in class. I miss the light brushes of our fingers when I hand him my papers or the tight squeezes of his hand when nobody is looking. Never would I have ever thought I'd write this but, Dear Diary, I miss Severus...I miss him so much..."

Her voice trailed off as the entry ended, the scribbles fading into nothingness sending her into her mind, into the past...

_"I don't trust him..." Ron mumbled for the tenth time that morning, and they had only just sat down to breakfast. "Not the least."_

_Beside her Harry groaned, letting his head fall against his arms crossed neatly on the table before him, his meal all but forgotten._

_"Honestly Ron." Hermione found herself snapping, glaring across the table at her red headed friend. "Do you realize how many times you say that a day?!"_

_"What?" he replied as he pushed a forkful of food into his mouth, his eyes wide and confused. "I don't say it THAT often-"_

_"Oh but you do!" Harry injected as he raised his head, pushing his glasses back into place. "We get that you don't trust him. Nobody does. But that doesn't mean you have to become a broken record."_

_"But he's evil!" Ron insisted, leaning further over the table towards his friends. "I just know it!"_

_" Oh, shut up, Ron,' said Hermione angrily. "How many times have you suspected Snape, and when have you ever been right? Dumbledore trusts him, he works for the Order, that ought to be enough."_

_Ron answered with a scoff, his eyes swinging over to Harry momentarily._

_"He used to be a Death Eater." Ron shot back, his tone tight and stubborn. "Has anybody ever even seen proof that he really swapped sides?"_

_"As have half the Slytherine alum." Harry offered, eyes rolling as he pulled his plate of food closer._

_"Dumbledore trusts him!" Hermione repeated, her gaze flickering towards the head table, holding on Professor Snape for a moment before turning back to her friend. "And if we can't trust Dumbledore, we can't trust anyone."  
><em>  
>There were tears in her eyes as Hermione returned to the present. Glancing over at the wand at her side one last time she stretched over to Stewart's side of the bed and grabbed the phone, letting out an unsteady breath as she blindly dialed a number she had so many times before.<p>

It was answered on the second ring, heavy breathing on the other end filling the silence of her room.

"Hello?" she finally heard Harry say his words rushed, the line cracking with static as he moved.

As always Hermione was stuck speechless, her words caught behind the lump growing within her throat.

"Hello?" She heard Harry say again, louder this time. Suddenly scared Hermione panicked, quickly pressing the end call before placing it back on it's base.

The tears that had been welling up in her eyes finally toppled over, sliding down her cheeks before she could wipe them away as she stared over at the silent phone a few feet away her.

Why did things have to change.

Why did things have to become so hard.

Why couldn't things just go back to normal.

It never ceased to amaze her how one person's death could alter events so much.

Drowning a sob Hermione let her head fall into her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent tears.

She had loved him...so very much.


End file.
